Breathe
by TheGladElf
Summary: Kenshin's thoughts on the events leading up to and including ch. #243. Spoilerage.
1. The Smile

I haven't been breathing.

All this time, I was drowning and I didn't realize it. But now I can breathe. One smile and I'm no longer drowning.

How does it get to this? To the point that one person's existence is necessary for breath? That your world crashes down when they are gone?

I'd been living. Living to get to this, but until this moment I wasn't breathing.

Failure is a hard thing for anyone to contemplate. But for someone like me…to fail at something like that. To fail for the second time to protect the person most precious to me. And to fail for one moment to control myself.

I have killed before. I have taken lives that meant nothing to me. Lives I was ordered to take, lives I had to take to keep my own. And I swore never to take another. No matter what happened.

But finding Kaoru with that cross engraved into her cheek, the sword through her heart and all the life drained from her eyes. All that I wanted was to take Enishi's life. All I could think about was how to make him suffer. This was not the battousai, this was me, Himura Kenshin, consumed by the hatred I'd fought. The nature that I have spent so long growing strong enough control.

I failed. I couldn't even save her. I spent days, unable to do anything but dwell on how utterly and completely I had failed to overcome my past, to be the person who was worthy of her love. How I had made the same mistake twice— but this time with someone infinitely more precious to me. For a second time, I had failed to tell the person I cared most about how I felt. I wasn't living, I wasn't breathing.

When Tomoe's spirit visited me, she gave me back life.

And now, seeing her smile, I can breathe again.

Knowing and seeing are two different things. I knew she wasn't dead, they told me, Tomoe told me. But seeing—seeing her alive makes it real. And she reaches out with her smile and pulls me from under the water I've been struggling against.

This time I will not fail. No matter what the cost I must protect her. I cannot fail. I must fix my mistake.

Even if it costs me my life, I will tell how much I love her.

* * *

Yeah, I've added Rurouni Kenshin to my list of obsessions. This actually is the prologue to a little story that I'm writing up. Sorry to my Amuto people...Kenshin and Kaoru are the ones talking to me right now, so they're the ones I'm writing about.

Please R&R


	2. The Aftermath

5/10/09

Kenshin was at the end of his rope. His limbs felt like lead, his body wanting nothing more than to collapse in the sand as Enishi just had. But there was still something he had to do; he turned, searching for that pair of eyes that he's waited so long to just look into. His shoulder blazed from the gunshot. He ignored it, his eyes traveling up and down the figure before him, looking for anything that might be wrong.

"Are you unhurt?" he asked, smiling at her worried face. There were tears in her eyes as she smiled back.

"Yes," she whispered. Relief washed through his body, with Kaoru no longer in danger what had kept him standing despite his wounds was quickly leaving him. He could feel the strength seeping into the sand. His wounds needed tending, he needed rest. _There is still something you have to do._ He took a step towards her, but his body was done with him. It betrayed him.

"Oro?" Kenshin felt his step falter as his legs gave out. He was falling. And there was a pair of arms waiting to catch him. Instinctively, he grabbed her waist trying to stop his fall. She held him tighter as her knees sank to the ground.

"Kenshin? Are you alright?" He nodded.

"Kaoru-dono, I need to tell you—"

"Shh. It can wait, just a little longer. Let Megumi tend to your wounds," she said, leaning over his prone form. "You've done enough today Kenshin. Rest now," she said. Megumi was already beside them, trying to coax Kenshin up to let her look at his shoulder. Reluctantly, Kenshin obliged, his hand shooting out to grab Kaoru's when she tried to get out of the way.

"Don't go," he whispered. With a smile, Kaoru sat back down next to him.

"There's not much I can do here," Megumi said. "You'll probably be weak from exhaustion and blood loss, but the bleeding seems to have stopped. I'll be able to do more on the ship." The woman stood and went over to the others.

"Maybe we should—"

"No, let's stay here," Kenshin said. "I just need a moment to rest." His better arm wrapped itself around her shoulder, and she leaned against him. Kaoru felt his head turn as he pressed his face into her hair and breathed deeply. "Kaoru-d—Kaoru," he began.

"Hm?"

"I love you," he murmured into her ear.

"I know," she replied, her eyes seeking his. "I love you too," she said softly. And then he smiled, a smile unlike any other, one from the bottom of his heart.

"That makes me glad," he said. "That it does." He was so close, with that dazzling smile. Her breath was stuck in her throat, unable to move forward or go back. It was all she could see, that smile. "Kaoru?" he asked quietly. She blinked, air rushing into her lungs.

"Kenshin—I…"

"Shh. It's my turn now, Kaoru-dono," he teased. She nodded. There was no other world than this. Somewhere she knew people were staring at them, or pretending not to stare. But she could only see him, only hear him, only feel his hand on hers. "You are my answer," he said. "I can't bring back those that I've killed, I can't stop the pain of those that I've hurt. But I can help those I see suffering. I can bring happiness to those that I can reach. And most importantly, I can protect those that I love." His hand came up to touch her face, brushing away the tears that were falling. "To protect, that is what I fight for. Perhaps I can never achieve atonement. But you don't ask me to, you ask me only to live the life I have to the best that I can. You see who I should have been, who I'm trying to become. And for that I thank you." Kaoru nodded, reaching up to grasp his hand at her cheek. She brought his hand to her lips, kissing the battered knuckles. With one quick motion, he freed his hand from hers and brought it the back of her head. Leaning forward, Kenshin kissed her quickly. There was barely time for her to do any more that blush when he pulled away. She looked down, now completely aware of the stares of her friends. The only person not staring at them was Enishi, who was still face down in the sand, muttering to himself. Briskly she stood, upsetting the balance between her and Kenshin.

"Kaoru-dono?" He looked up worried, with that look that begged to know what he'd done wrong. Red still lighting her cheeks, Kaoru smiled at him and held out her hand.

"Let's go home, Kenshin. We're finished here," she said brightly. His answering smile was perhaps not as bright as that last one, but it still graced his face without any trace of sadness.

"Yes," he said, taking her hand. "Let's go home." Kaoru waited until Kenshin was standing firmly before she leaned forward and returned his kiss. Then she took his arm and they headed towards the ship.

* * *

I was totally not going to write a second chapter. But I had pulled up RuroKen to get some details straight for the first chapter and then instead of closing the browser when I was finished, I totally started reading and I came to the final page of 450 and the voices were like, "Oh yeah, that's a good story too." So here you go. Anyways, I'm off to go watch some Shugo Chara in hopes that those voices will decide to start talking to me so that I don't get killed by my raving fans ;D.

Please R&R


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